Reality Check

From my 2010 journal...

Realty is. That life is wonderful. That it is full of possibilities and it is full of Yeses. That there is enough love for everyone. That if you can’t find love around you, you can always create love from scratch, from inside of you. Same goes from compassion and faith. Reality is that fresh-baked cookies taste damn good. And being embraced while eating a fresh-baked cookie is even better. Yeah, that’s reality. And it’s undeniable.

YFT in Korea

Dear Santa,

I would like Adobe Photoshop, please.

Much love,
Yulree

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In other news....

I'm in Korea!

In Yong-In, to be exact. My aunt and uncle moved here from Seoul a little over a year ago. 3 days into my trip here, I prefer their old Seoul apartment much much more. I can see why they moved here though. It's like their version of Orange County (blech). There are more people in cars than on the streets, and the keeping-up-with-the-Joneses phenomenon is alive and well. My aunt wants to get a Harley (yes, a Korean ahjumah in her late 40s/early 50s wants a Harley) because all the neighbors are getting one.

Look at them gorgeous colors on those trees.

The plus side to surburbia, though, is that my aunt and uncle have a backyard. A beautiful one at that. Backyards are a rare treat in Korea as land is insanely scarce. It's quite swanky. With a koi pond and everything. It's great for my yoga practice. Woo!

How do you like my purdy ahjumah backyard slippers? I'm also sporting my yoga pants.  So cool.

This is the view from my room...does not feel like Korea. I'm learning I don't like surburbia even in other countries.

I must say, I was not expecting so much serenity here in Korea. I'm sorta itching for some of that Seoul shoulder-to-shoulder bustle. Soon!

Even more cookies

This blog has lately been all about cookies. Deal with it. ;)
Now how adorable is this bathroom set from My Paper Crane??

It's Cookie Time!

Hm, I figured instead of having my never published Millions of Morsels posts go to waste, I'll integrate it into this blog. Genius. Why didn't I think of that earlier? Aren't you guys excited to hear about cookies??? I AM I AM!

Written 4 million years ago....

Cookie Monster of the Month // Angry Asian Man

The real reason I went to Angry Asian Man’s 10th Anniversary Party. Just kidding....or am I?

I’ve always been a big fan of angry asian man -- the blog and the man behind the blog. Why? He’s a college sunbae (loosely translated to predecessor), he provides fantastic content and he’s just an overall great, down-to-earth guy.

I became a mega-fan though when he celebrated his blog’s 10th Anniversary with COOKIES (made by TST). Dude, how much better can he get, right? We should all celebrate with cookies. Every day.

Finding out that he was a cookie fan, I had to ask him about his life as a cookie monster.

What's your earliest cookie memory?

Nabisco Nilla Wafers. With milk.  I remember munching on those things like crazy.  I'd stack them up and eat 'em one by one.  Haven't had any in while though.  But the sight of the box, and the mere smell of the vanilla always evoke a rush of childhood memories.

The best cookie you've ever eaten?

Ever? Crap, that's hard.  Okay, this doesn't even count, because it's not technically a cookie, but it's friggin' amazing.  In Korea, there's a street vendor in Insadong that sells hodduk -- a fried batter thing filled with a sugar, honey, nuts and other sweetness from Jesus.  Again, totally not a cookie, but easily one of the most delicious things I've ever eaten. Period.  I have dreams about that damn hodduk.

What's your main ingredient(s) to leading a successful life?

Simply put, do what you love. Figure out what you want to give a damn about, and then give a damn.  Everything else will fall into place.

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Okay, back to present time. Big belated thanks to Phil for the interview! Don't worry, I did thank him via email and in person 3.75 million years ago.
He interviewed me, too, last year. ;)

Vulnerability, Failures & Liberation

Kinda in relation to my previous post...

This past year, I've been experimenting with vulnerability. I've always had an arms wide open mentality towards trying new things, and I continually push myself into new situations where I'm uncomfortable (like that time I spontaneously went to Santa Barbara and learned how to swage and put up festival structures with randos for a festival I didn't attend).

I swaged the heck out of this mother effer

It's weird, uncomfortable situations comfort me. It makes me feel alive [arms waving in the air]!!! However, coincidingly (is that a word?), I've always had a phobia towards showing or expressing my vulnerability. I used to feel ashamed, embarrassed and less of a person whenever people caught me at my times of weakness.

In other words, I am rad at being vulnerable to experiences but bad at being vulnerable to people.
And what I'll confess next will show you just how inexperienced I am in with the latter -- I learned, this year, that being vulnerable to others: 1) deepens relationships, 2) for some reason, allows them to trust you more, 3) is really liberating. Mind blown. Did you guys know this?? How come you never told me? Thanks, guys. Thanks. It's good to finally join this secret vulnerability club. I could've been forever alone, y'know, if I never found out about this club.

Joining the meme club late, too, as usual.

It's been amazing, I tell ya. I am really enjoying, loving and appreciating the solid friendships more than ever this year. And I feel more free than I ever have in my life!

Anyway, since we're on the theme of vulnerability today -- just gonna keep exposing myself for the heck of it. Maybe you'll feel better about yourself standing next to me and my failures. :D Maybe you'll feel inspired to open up. Maybe you won't. *whisper* freeeeeeee yourself.


Here's one FAIL that I used to be ashamed of. But you know what? It's gotten me closer to understanding what I'm good at and what I want to be doing:

My attempt at designing and developing my own blog.

Did you guys know I had a cookie blog at one point in my life? I even interviewed my friend Andrew, Phil (his never got posted) and my blog crush, Lynn Chen (hers never got posted either), and had goals to eventually interview Anthony Bourdain. I had huge dreams to open up a cookie bakery once my cookie blog took off. Neither happened. Because I didn't keep it up. Because I realized, the hard way, that although I LOVE cookies, this just wasn't my path. Let's not call this a failure, but a learning experience. :P

Next time, I'll tell you guys about the time I tried to start a catering company with my friend.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Sometimes,
You
just
can't
do
everything.

I often forget how liberating it is to admit and accept my limitations.

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P.S. the plus side of having unusually hot days is having really lovely nights. 

Duh

It's 3:30 p.m. and all I've eaten today is peanut butter. I bought the jar a week ago...and I've already hit the bottom of it. Told you I like peanut butter.

I am a mess. Despite what my friends and loved ones think, I am a mess. With 7 seasons of Grey's Anatomy under my belt, I think I'm quite qualified to diagnose myself, thank you.

I get my work done. I hang out with friends. I watch sunsets, do yoga, go on long drives and am inspired by beautiful things. I am a fully functioning adult. But on the inside, just right in between my central core and my outer layers, I am in a FUNK. And I have been for quite some time now.

The hardest part is, I'm not sure what more I can do. Sure, I can stop devouring peanut butter like it's my dream job. But does that solve anything? Nuh-uh. I may not know much, but one thing I do know how to do is  solve problems. I know that in order to solve a problem, one must first identify the ROOT of the problem.

I have definitely mastered that step. I've identified AND defined the root (in my personal journals) almost to the point of oblivion. I've defined it through diagrams and images, through obscure poems and short stories. And no, I'm not going to tell you what it is.

The thing is, the root of the problem - the nature of it is something that cannot be solved by me. It cannot be solved by me or my actions. In this case, it really just takes time and patience.

Annnnnd, there it is. Patience. Something that I lack, something I have low quantities of. Patience. Lack of patience is making me a mess.

I get it now. Life (God, the Universe, the Force or what have you) is funny. And clever! Life really gives you whatever you truly need. Impatience is one of, if not the biggest, vices I have. I lack so much patience....that life gave me a problem that can only be solved by an abundance of it.

Haha, I get it. Thank you, life.


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In other news: I blushed when I read this. The funny thing is, I admire this woman like mad. And here she is, saying positive things about me? I don't know what to say except thank you. I'm so glad you enjoy my food. You are an inspiration to meeeee.