Vulnerability, Failures & Liberation

Kinda in relation to my previous post...

This past year, I've been experimenting with vulnerability. I've always had an arms wide open mentality towards trying new things, and I continually push myself into new situations where I'm uncomfortable (like that time I spontaneously went to Santa Barbara and learned how to swage and put up festival structures with randos for a festival I didn't attend).

I swaged the heck out of this mother effer
It's weird, uncomfortable situations comfort me. It makes me feel alive [arms waving in the air]!!! However, coincidingly (is that a word?), I've always had a phobia towards showing or expressing my vulnerability. I used to feel ashamed, embarrassed and less of a person whenever people caught me at my times of weakness.

In other words, I am rad at being vulnerable to experiences but bad at being vulnerable to people.
And what I'll confess next will show you just how inexperienced I am in with the latter -- I learned, this year, that being vulnerable to others: 1) deepens relationships, 2) for some reason, allows them to trust you more, 3) is really liberating. Mind blown. Did you guys know this?? How come you never told me? Thanks, guys. Thanks. It's good to finally join this secret vulnerability club. I could've been forever alone, y'know, if I never found out about this club.

Joining the meme club late, too, as usual.
It's been amazing, I tell ya. I am really enjoying, loving and appreciating the solid friendships more than ever this year. And I feel more free than I ever have in my life!

Anyway, since we're on the theme of vulnerability today -- just gonna keep exposing myself for the heck of it. Maybe you'll feel better about yourself standing next to me and my failures. :D Maybe you'll feel inspired to open up. Maybe you won't. *whisper* freeeeeeee yourself.

Here's one FAIL that I used to be ashamed of. But you know what? It's gotten me closer to understanding what I'm good at and what I want to be doing:

My attempt at designing and developing my own blog.
Did you guys know I had a cookie blog at one point in my life? I even interviewed my friend Andrew, Phil (his never got posted) and my blog crush, Lynn Chen (hers never got posted either), and had goals to eventually interview Anthony Bourdain. I had huge dreams to open up a cookie bakery once my cookie blog took off. Neither happened. Because I didn't keep it up. Because I realized, the hard way, that although I LOVE cookies, this just wasn't my path. Let's not call this a failure, but a learning experience. :P

Next time, I'll tell you guys about the time I tried to start a catering company with my friend.

1 comment:

ITotem said...

In time, you may find out that the more often you are open and vulnerable to people, the less you actually become vulnerable to (bad) people...

When you share yourself to people over and over again, you find strength in the support and love of those people and the harder it becomes to get hurt by one single individual.