when did i get to be so gangsta?
eating jipo and beer for dinner.

jipo = traditional korean pressed fish jerky that finely accompanies soju, crown royal or any korean people's drink of choice.

jipo + alcohol combination = i associate to my korean uncle, who outdrinks his german clients and his korean colleagues combined. he can kill you. you know chuck norris? my uncle would be his mysterious korean father who abandoned him as a baby. my uncle melts when i hug him though. i'm his favorite. hee.

in other news: the billie holiday play was the shizz. i wish i had brought all my friends to watch it. heck, since we're just wishing here...i wish i could build a time machine so i can time machine myself over to lady day's era and chill with her. of course i'd make a pit stop to mos def's place to pick him up. and i'd let al green hop on my ride, too. cuz who wouldn't want to hang out with this gangsta:

two moments in time...

as a white shadow
writhed into the soul unnoticed
smothered and stifled
the urgency of passion
for fellow man
for saving lives

and uneasy
this shadow, this figure
that placed secondary rights over primary

webbed and forgotten
in the city of self

this is not me

a very ah-ha moment.
a crystal clear moment in time.
when the clouds part
and everything shimmers and glows with jelly bean tears of joy and gummi bear hugs of warmth.

i had beer two nights ago.
and it tasted DELICIOUS. like, is this what i have been missing all my life, slap my face is this real delicious. so delicious i drank 3/4th of the bottle (if you don't know, i usually have one or two forced sips).
so THIS is what that german guy meant on that one trip to who knows where in thailand.

sophomore year of high school, i get sent to a student leadership retreat called LINKS (Leadership Ina New Kinda Style...serious, i'm pretty sure i still have the shirt somewhere). two other students accompanied me from my school, let's call them hans and aladdin. the first night, after throwing eggs off the second floor all day to somehow exercise our great leadership, we hang out by the pool. in thailand. me, hans the german, and the guy who looked like aladdin.
[okay, sorry to digress, but DUDE. i didn't know i had it good when i had it goooood. thailand. near the pool. two hot guys who play rugby and futbol. no supervision. thailand. at night. at a resort. near a freakin' lagoon like pool with warm breeze and bright stars. all expenses paid. thailand. rugby. futbol. man...]
so anyway. hans and aladdin are sipping on some beers. prude yulree inquires, "why do you drink beer? it's bitter and tastes nasty." hans, with his rugged, chiseled jaw replies, "it is when you first try it. but your tastebuds will start to enjoy it the more you have it. it's like honey. try it." prude yulree says no and runs off to bed early humming a whole new world.

i had long forgotten this retreat. and the german boy. and his wise words. and his aladdin sidekick.
several years after this retreat, i tried beer. and despite it being bitter and nasty, it became my drink of choice. only becuase it was the one alcohol i could really take. and by take, i mean 2 gulps.

but who knew that every gulp i took for the past 4-5 years would bring me to this.
who knew that each sip brought me closer to this REVELATION.

holy crap, beer tastes great. and it's not bitter.
hans. the hunka hunka beer drinking sage. if only you could see me now.


I'll be looking at the moon

loads of yft time this weekend. i guess it officially started last night b/c i've been in the weekend mood all day at work today. ;)

went to an open mic last night called break the silence in long beach and met a lot of genuine characters. the open mic felt very...fresh. lots of first-timers, grass-rootsy. loved it. needs the community support.

more to come:
1) rendevouz in little tokyo. hoping to connect an artist with an activist. :)
there once was a time when i was there every day. eh ver ee day ee. day and night. mmmm. i have lots of different layers of love for that place.
2) biking on the beach. zoom! adifpoaidfhaod. darn you rain, darn you!
3) spending some time with my ultimate favorite artist, billie holiday (she'll be there in spirit, i know it), at "bille: backstage with lady day."

it shall be lovely.

never can get enough of this

all together now

Been trying out different names for blogs. Deciding to stick with this one, meaning I'm bringing all my past posts here.

Also, making my blog public. Whoohoo. breaking down the walls, baby!

February 26, 2010

I wish letter-writing was as common as telephoning. You can call me old school, old fashioned or just weird, but I’d much rather keep in touch through letters than by telephone. And it’s not just a desire to do this, I am really much better at keeping in touch via mail than phone(1).
Letter-writing is very dear to my heart. Letters, second to journals, are where I am most revealing. I boldly and sincerely write about my sentiments. Whatever passes through my hands onto letter paper is undisguised, purely natural and unreserved.

It was once again the beautiful scheme of life that brought my love of letter writing to Edren and The Undeniables(2).

Very excited to hear what my fingers and mind/heart/soul has to say for the next two months.

Onward Ho.
1 - If you are one of the many friends/relatives who have experienced my lack of phone skills (not answering calls, leaving my phone in my car all day, never listening to voice mails), please give me your mailing address and I'll guarantee you'll receive a letter from me. And it'll be thoughtful, too.
2 -; A writers workshop. Next session starts March 1st. Join me.

February 25, 2010

This night was simply beautiful.
Oh man, Al Green’s Simply Beautiful is pure sexy time.

Salatmat to RS for introducing me to the life-changing, mood-changing, love-changing song.

February 18, 2010
grandma hepburn
It was the first time I had walked into a gym since forever(1). The night before, I got on top of my scale (mind you, I had two dinners that evening), and I…was SHOCKED(2). Even replaying that moment in my mind right now just gave me the chills.
I now know that buying 10 “family size” packs of 50%-off Christmas chocolate was not the best idea. I now know that boxing up the chocolates and naming the box “Stay Away” would only entice me more to rip open the box like a madman and gorge on it when I’m alone…in the middle of the night…as if it doesn’t count.
Anyway, back to the women’s locker room. I went to the lovely gym(3) with desperation to get back to my normal weight. After my tiring, embarassing workout(4), I walked into the women’s locker room to see a heavy-set woman in her 30s and a GILF engaged in what looked like a very interesting conversation. Oh, did I just say GILF? Oh yes, indeed I did. She wasn’t hot, per say. She was…stunning. Like Audrey Hepburn stunning. The 30-something woman and Grandma Hepburn were talking about tennis. Or swimming. Maybe both? I can’t remember. What I do clearly remember though is when Grandma Hepburn proceeded to tell the other woman that she is 92.
*dead silence in the locker room*
In that 5 second silence, I literally heard 5 jaws dropping, including the 30-something woman, 3 other women who were eavesdropping (like me!), and my own. She looked like she was 50.
So what’s her secret? Simple. So very simple. She ate healthy and exercised all throughout her life. I think she forgot to mention that she also had to sacrifice her first-born child to the devil.
Grandma Hepburn exercises every day, whether it’s through playing tennis or going to the gym. She not only looks healthy, her words were full of energy, her hands had great dexterity as she put on her cheek stain(5) and her feet had a cute bounce as she walked out the gym.

I initially visited the gym just because I wanted to lose a couple pounds. But after being witness to a product of a lifetime of healthy eating and daily exercise, I have a new resolve to be FIT.

And not to just look fit, but be fit…as my fitness mentor SY says.
1 - Forever ever? Yes.
2 - My eyes bulged out and my blood went hot with shock.
3 - I HATE the gym.
4 - 20 minutes on the eliptical. I’m a tortoise! I’ll get to the finish line slowly and surely. Just you wait.
5 - A non-powder blush.

January 25, 2010
discussions. walks.
Having a lot of in-mind discussions about my life. It's been good. I felt uncomfortable about my life for the past couple months, waiting and waiting for myself to finally do something about it. And out of nowhere, conversations, people, situations have sparked that fire that I've been saving so much kindle for.
Lots of writing. Lots of thinking. Lots of praying and hoping.
I've been walking. It's been good. Getting fresh air. Walking off a few calories. Warming up my joints. I am so grateful that I can walk around my neighborhood (at least when it's bright out). :)

January 21, 2010

i am so jealous. so sososososososososososo jealous.
5 days later...
“Never compare your inside with somebody else’s outside.”

January 20, 2010
L + G
I was recently speaking to someone(1) about luck. We were discussing that we both led very lucky lives. To be surrounded by great, solid friends, to have such a loving family and to have such enjoyable lives. Toward the end of our conversation, it hit me that the common factor of why we felt as though we are so very lucky is because we both have a very strong sense of gratitude. For everything. For everyone and everything that happens in our lives, whether good or bad.
To be grateful for life is to cherish it, to love it, to enjoy every moment of it. We enjoy life because we are grateful for it.

And that describes my first mantra in life: Gratitude to God(2).

1 - who I secretly think of as one of my soulmates.
2 - or to whoever created life!