yes

"Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

soul windows

walked by a big-windowed cafe. briefly looked in only to lock eyes with a little boy wearing a batman&robin-esque mask and the biggest grin you can imagine on the most adorable kid ever. ever. he was sitting with his parents, eating lunch and enjoying life.

double.fun.time

inching closer! ny in 2 more weeks!

sidenote: having VERY vivid dreams. enjoying it.
i was dreaming this morning that i was in a submarine and an alarm went off. i yelled out loud to all my crewmembers, "that's such an ugly alarm sound, who freakin' installed it on the submarine??" and i woke up to my clock alarm...which really does sound ugly. i chuckled.

food: lost a bit of an appetite due to a pound of stress incessantly poking at the top left of my head, aka migraine. comes and goes. trying to get rid of this loser with exercise and being productive. appetite better be back when i go to ny!!!

nostalgia

bringing it all back...


"Hand In My Pocket" - Alanis Morissette

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
And what it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab

[Harmonica solo]

high

sometimes, random times, i would be walking somewhere and i'd feel like i'm somewhere else...
in korea
in china
in thailand
in turkey
in new york
somewhere i've been and loved
it'd be evoked by a specific smell in the air, or a sound, or the weather...
and i'd get such a high off of that

it's the little things that really get me


---

Sidenote: i saw a woman dancing while driving in her car this morning. i fell in love with her a little bit.

Sidenote2: i am getting old. i've been experiencing my first migraine. aiyo.

struggle

but wear and tear on my mind, i know it's going to make me stronger, but feel weak for now
riding it out, weather the tumultuous life, with benevolent friends by my side
i am strong, yet feel so weak

it's not that i can't find a job, it's the idea of not knowing WHAT exactly WANT to do RIGHT NOW. *sigh*


---
Food:
1) have been meeting some really rad people through yelpity yelp. another win for food.

2) this past year, i've been seeing a gradual evolution in the mother-daughter relationship...
me taking care of mom: check
me buying her makeup: check
me giving her clothes i don't wear and think would look good on her: check
me feeding mom: check
me giving food ingredients to mom: check! i made a whole load of pesto b/c i ended up buying a basket of basil (i had to! they didn't have it in smaller batches!); put some in a panini i made for my mom; she loved it; i gave her the whole load

sweet

ladida

I'm in a weird transition stage right now, and am figuring out how I should live now that I'm jobless.

I've resorted to eating whatever I have in my cabinets and fridge and watching episode after episode of 30Rock. That's only after many hours of having fits of panic and stress while trying to do everything all at once - find a job, figure out living situation, figure out what to do with student loans, get unemployment benefits, finish my work at this job, tell all my friends, talk to my parents, figure out if i should sell anything...and the most crucial thing I would like to do? Narrow down what I want to do in life, and then categorize them into 'realistic' and 'kinda unrealistic' bins.

I continue to have this struggle between "life is too short, I should do what I want to do NOW" to "I need to secure my future, must. find. secure. job. (said in a robotic way while doing the robot dance, of course)" UGH.

In any case, I need to keep myself healthy to do anything. EXERCISE.

support

Friends are all so supportive.
Family is supportive. They are survivors and know how to get through this.
The Lord is my silent but biggest supporter.

Keeping my head up high. :)
I am a survivor! rawr.

fail to win

I got laid off today.
This is a huge milestone. I got laid off for the first time in my life.
It's hard to express my feelings...
I guess all I can say is, "omfgasdfahfoihw whooohooooooo"

The thing is, I was planning to quit by the end of February. Because of many many many many many reasons. Since two weeks ago, I've been very uneasy...b/c my personal due date for my 2-weeks notice was coming up...it takes big balls to quit! So I put it off, but the more I put it off, the more unhappy I was. Then today, I get called in to the office and they let me go.

I've never had this happen to me before...when my boss' words "I'm sorry but we have to let you go," came out of his mouth, it was in slow motion, as if I was in a dream. It took me about a minute to realize that I was actually not dreaming.

It's so uncanny. Perfect timing. The day I was going to quit is the day I get fired. I feel very good. I feel like I'm in the best position there is.

Time to celebrate with my favorite coworkers who also got laid off today. Huge celebration. Liberation.

tapping out

i went to an all-you-can-eat korean bbq place this past weekend. for freeeee.
i had a fairly good time, met 1-2 cool people and ate a lot. for freeeee.
one particular memory from this night is haunting me. it refuses to leave me alone. i don't feel very good about it.
i out-ate two guys. not just out-ate them, but out-ate them by several plates of meat. and not just out-ate them by several plates of meat...(this is where it gets sad for me)...when they tapped out from being so full, that moment when they were already soooo full from eating one more bite, i was still eating because i was STILL HUNGRY. i wasn't even partially full. no, not even 1/3 full.

yulree's gastromonster needs to calm the heck down.

life

it wasn't my proudest moment.
remember how i said i wanted to improve my writing skills
and that i'd try reading great literature to achieve this?
the first book i picked up was 'confessions of a shopaholic'
it's quite funny, actually
well, the book was okay
but i was referring to how i ended up buying the book
i bought it on a whim
i was never attracted to girly books like this
where the titles include words like "shopping" or "bitch" or "he's just not that into you"
so it was a spontaneous consumption
while i was at the drugstore
waiting for my film to be developed
i also bought makeup i didn't need
dental floss that i did need
and intellectual reading material like the economist
to lessen my guilt for succumbing to girly books
my actions reflecting the very vice of the protagonist

the book left me wanting to spend more
because the protagonist spent tons
or tonnes, if you're british
and she still had a happy ending that brought joy and dolladollabillsyo
and she even scored a tall, hot millionaire
who was more nuts about her than his monies
and since when did books lie to you?
i can spend spend spend and have my happy ending, too! psh.

then i was pretty much bitch-slapped back to reality
when my dog had teeth and gum complications
it cost me some worry, tears and a grand
yeah, a friggin' grand
i don't even say the word grand
because in what case did i ever have to?

i brought lunch to work today
a quiche
a frozen $3 quiche for that matter
itadakimasu


---
Food: I invited several of my friends over for a Chinese New Year mini-celebration. It's my year - the year of the Ox. And so I made ox-tail soup and spicy braised short ribs as my main dishes. Everyone ate till they were full. *pats back*