HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

If the world produced colorful clones...

Triple the YFT!

---
too much candy. bye bye workouts, bye bye.

Embarrassed

I'm embarrassed that my most read post is something I typed while my brain was on vacation. She couldn't handle any more thinking after the looooong 7-day work week so she went on strike, bought a ticket to the Yucatean province and swam in a cenote with magical underwater breathing unicorns. She came home this morning all starry-eyed and hungry for more adventure. That silly silly brain of mine.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. I know my eyes will witness some crazy Los Angeles action. See you all later. Be safe.

<3Y

---
For a rad halloween tune, check it out.

Date is On! In real time

Ooooh yes, it is on. On a self date right now. And it's awesome. So awesome my date deserves a reward. It's like the feeling you get when you haven't eaten In N' Out for an entire year and you walk through those metal doors and the aroma of grilled onions and fresh beef patties warmly welcomes your animal style burger deprived tummy.

It feels good not to work. To not think about work. Okay, I just thought about work. For a brief second though. Agh, there goes another second. Oh nooooooooooooooooooooo.

Okay, I had to take a second to distract my mind again. So!!! Right now, I'm watching a BBC documentary called Yellowstone: Battle for Life; Episode 1: Winter.

It is bad ass. Like The Godfather soundtrack bad ass. Eagle versus eagle fighting over a blood carcass on a new sheet of pure white snow. Now eagle versus coyote!! Coyote's teeth won over the eagle's fangs. Pshh, if the eagle really tried, it would've so won. Geez. This is intense. Now all the little tiny black birds have a built an army to take on the loner coyote. Coyote still won. Darn, I was hoping the black birds would win. I like rooting for the underdogs.

Diamond dust!! Wowwwwwwwww. Big fat snow in slow motion. Frozen crystals.

Oh! Did you know? I met Lindsay Lohan's dad today? And I had no clue as to who he was so I asked him to repeat his name for me and I asked him what he does. Eh, he looked really normal. That is until I looked him up online and the first photo I found was of him in a MESH shirt. I saw his nipples. Gross.

Okay, I'm tired. Even though this documentary is mindblowing, the guy's voice on here is so soothing. Mmmm. Mister englishman, your voice is lovely. You wrap me in a warm fuzzy blanket with your voice. This is the best date evarrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

A bonjour and a hum

I used to sing this whenever I would get sad. 


I remember humming this on the bus ride home from school one day in Shanghai, and the French guy sitting next to me gave a weird look that slowly transformed into a smile. I wonder if he still remembers. I should message him. We still keep in touch via FB.

Bonjour, mon ami.  Do you read this? Can you sweep me away to Paris, Shanghai or wherever you may be?

Simply Beautiful

The air turned off in the building. That's when the quiet in the room reintroduces itself and reminds me that it's time to go home. I look at the clock and realize that I haven't seen sunlight all day except for the short hour during lunch.

That depresses me so. At least I have my desktop background to stare at once in a while. It's a photo of the sky. It's quite a sight to see and serves as undeniable proof that life is simply beautiful.

This, below, helps as well. Wrote it on my blackberry notepad while driving eastward bound on the 10 fwy to Arizona a couple weeks back. I'm sure I'll get to hang out with the sky again soon. 

---

Sky

I saw a miraculous thing as I was driving home to Arizona today. From my rearview mirror, I beheld the sun slowing settling into the earth. As the landscape soaked in the glowing orb, the sky released a splash of coral-pink hue, as though blushing at the sight of something magnificently naughty.

The sun and the earth made love for all the world to see, and the sky and I were the only ones who witnessed it.

Cue the love making music!

Sometimes

Sometimes, I like to listen to The Godfather soundtrack and feel really badass.

---
Listen here

Good thing

Good thing about being an optimist is that most everything is a win-win situation. :)

---

Currently craving:

Helados, por favor. Even though it's cold. 

Roadtrip. Soon enough, my friends.

Compassion, How I Love Thee

Today, I hit the "New Post" option on my blog thinking I'd just virtually cry on about my work woes and dramatically declare that I'm running away to Barcelona. But when the blank sheet of pixels opened up and when my fingers hit the keyboard, the first word I typed was compassion. That's what my brain automatically focused on in this time of suckerdom. Throughout this trying time of my life, I've been very fortunate to stand at the receiving end of beautiful compassion. My beautiful friends, acquaintences, coworkers have given me support in many ways that I never even asked for. And I'm so entirely grateful for that. If it wasn't for the selfless love I've experienced the past couple days, I'd probably be rolled up in a deformed ball under my desk, spitting some scary incoherent gibberish about how my computer is going to eat me alive. Thank you, friends. Thank you, Life!

---
On another note, but not entirely off topic...
When you hit an extreme, personal beliefs do really accentuate themselves. Like how a flower's scent becomes stronger when it experiences a storm. Have you ever noticed that? I recommend you try it. Walk by a bush of flowers during or right after a rain storm. I would suggest the latter.
---
Quote of the day: :Life is all about ass... you're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, or trying to get a piece of it. - Peter Griffin
 
Thank you, MK, for sending me this! It made me laugh out loud this morning. Means a lot that you made the choice and time to send it. :)

Something About

The Holidays!

As much as I love spring and summer and how ridiculously amazing I feel during those months...something about the holiday season...how it tugs at my heartstrings so.

This morning was a cold Los Angeles day. Cold enough to turn on the heat in my car. My body slowly defrosting from shivering cold to a cozy warm felt absolutely lovely. It's the classic example of how the sweet aint as sweet without the sour.

---
Song of the day: White Christmas (Bing Crosby)

Too soon? Not for this kid. ;)

Break

Duuuude. For a good solid hour, I thought next week was the week of November 5th. And I was panicking like MAD - I started shaking, hyperventilating and convulsing all at the same time. I even drooled a little, too. It was as though my mind lost control of my body. Or perhaps the other way around. 

November 5th is my win or lose at life day. And for the past few weeks, my position in this horribly real game has been leaning more towards death. 

So how wonderful it was to realize that I had an additional week! Hallelujah! I have a feeling this didn't happen on accident. I can breathe a little better now.

Okay, that was a nice break. Back to work!

---

Currently Craving:

 Sandwiches

& Flying

 via brandnewdogma

Date Night Foiled!!

I ate two bars of almond studded chocolate today...
...and I darn well deserved every sinful bite of it.

Was planning on some YFT tonight; a date with myself, to be exact. I was going to take a jasmine-vanilla scented bath, order some yum woon sen, put on some Robin Thicke, turn off all the lights except for my reading light...and read. You don't understand. I've been wanting, needing, desiring reading time for quite a while now. Oh hey, wanting and desiring are the same thing yet I used them in one sentence! Mmhmm. Indeed I did. That's just how much I yearned for my reading time.

I've had Tim Ferris' 4-Hour Work Week for the longest time and have yet to read it. Tonight was going to be the night. Once again, 80 hour work week gets in the way.

---
Song of the day: Lost Without You (Robin Thicke)

Pavlov was right. This comes on and my body automatically starts groovin.

---
Oh! And here is a really shoddy picture of the event that I paneled. I should've asked someone to take a picture while I was up there. Darn. Next time. The guy in the photo is none other than Mr. Robert Townsend. Charismatic leader, this guy.

the young (foolish) life

Ah, the ludicrous mistakes of a young, foolish life.

I probably shouldn't have screamed at the top of my lungs for 2 hours straight at tonight's BSS concert, which by the way, was by far their best performance yet (especially of my favorite song, seriously, best yet). I also probably shouldn't have stood so close to the stage. And! I probably shouldn't have left my earplugs in my car. All considering that I will be sitting on a panel in about 7 hours.

I am now partially deaf in both years and my throat is super soar. Oh well. It's nothing 6 hours of sleep can't cure. I hope!

Wish me luck! Oh boy.

---
Postscript (morning after): I can speak! I can hear! All goooood.

---
Love:

CCs

Dear Community Creepers,

You! Yes you, the one sitting by the bar mentally marking the drunk single girl, waiting for her to have her final gulp. Yes, we talk about you. And heck yeah, we know who you are. We aren't oblivious and we aren't quiet about it either. Despite how cordial and professional we may be with you, we really are disgusted by you and share notes with all our girlfriends (and some guy friends) on why you epitomize the role of Creeper McCreeperson.

---

There are 3 types of creepers out there in the community to watch out for. I've listed them in the level of intensity, starting from low ending at dangerously high.

First, there are the harmless creepers. Closet creepers. The nice ones who just really haven't gotten any in a long time and need to release their extra pent up energy by showing some type of (most of the time inappropriate) affection towards their gal pals. Whether it's a hand on the lower back or an awkward squeeze of the arm, it just doesn't sit right with us. You may be nice, but ew, you are still creepy.

Then, there are the more douchey creepers, who all seem to have a inexplicable bond to the word, "babe." Did you all learn that in Douchebaggery 101? We are not your babes. And one day, I hope you realize that verbally degrading us does not make us hot for you.

Then finally, the super, should-be-put-to-jail creepers. The city should really make a law requiring these type of guys to always wear a neon badge flashing the words, "Caution: Creep." As disturbing as it sounds, these are the guys I wouldn't be surprised to hear about in a serious conversation about rape or sexual harassment.
And on an even more disturbing note, I can name two guys in the community that match this profile.

---

If you are girl reading this, I really encourage you to voice yourself. Name these fools (especially type 3) to your friends, warn your girlfriends, even confront the fools if you have it. Because really, it's better to be a bitch than be sorry.

<3Y

Bounce bounce bounce

I nearly bounced out of my seat when I saw this. As many of you already know, since I talk about it way too often with much annoying enthusiasm, I LOVED LOVED LOVED Coachella this year. A bit of a life-changing experience, really.

Thanks for sharing, Miss GLee!

Coachelletta from Sam O'Hare on Vimeo.



My poems and writings on Coachella:

Arrival

Thousands upon thousands

of excited

red lights

like desert fireflies

all gather

thirsty

two-legged creatures

come together

at this one place

to be nourished

to be holied

by people

music

earth

and drugs

3:03 AM

We have arrived.

—

Grimly

Grimly

from Missouri

with his

thick burgundy

and gold speckled beard

that shared his face

with a jovial smile

sat on the trunk of his car

and yelled, “Hellooo!”

He was my first

Coachella Hello

So I let him hold my hand

while we sat and waited

to enter

the new world.

—

Morning

Bacon, eggs

cheese

mango salsa

and guacamole

freshly made

makes a good morning

even better

Good morning, Coachella

—

Morning pt. 2

I woke up to Bach’s harpsichord

that strangely

and perfectly transitioned to

soft acoustic tunes.

Good morning, Coachella.

—

Morning pt. 3

Warm desert breeze

the familiar breakfast aroma

quiet comraderie

shared laughter

whispered excitement

The calm before the storm…

We are ready.

Good morning, Coachella

—

Morning pt. 4

I’m thinking of you

in Indio.

Good morning.

—

Explosion

She was on a boat. A giant boat made of crisp white butcher paper in the shape of a crane. In the middle of the ocean. Not a particular ocean, not one with a name or one that belonged to a certain territory. It was the motherfucking ocean. The center of the universe, where all bodies of water collide and merge. Where there are no ends or beginnings or middles. No ups, downs, lefts or rights.

The breeze combed her hair and the sweat on her back and arms cooled as she reached out her arms to the sky and soaked in every stimulation that surrounded her being. In one standstill moment, she felt the soft living grass between her toes and the dew that nimbly blanketed her skin. She saw the growing lights in  front of her, behind her, all around her. And like a finely conducted dance, the lights, the wind and the grass began to stir in anticipation of something bigger than themselves. Then from the distance came the slight whisper of a sound, teasing her and everything that surrounded her. Anticipation grew stronger. The sound, like a gentle fog,  gradually creeped into the layers of her skin, into the strands of her hair, into the droplets of sweat, into her blood. Then born within the depths of her soul, the beat awoke at the call of the sound. The beat returned the call, growing stronger, getting louder.

Both escalating, the beat and sound finally collided and embraced each other within her just as any two long lost lovers would after a lifetime of searching and painfully hoping. As the two became one, her heart held its breath, and for centuries time stood still. The boat stopped rocking. The wind hushed. The grass lied down. Her heart swelled and swelled. And swelled.

When it was ready, when she was ready,

It lived.

Hard and fast. The music exploded. From within her. Surrounding her. In the wind, in the stars. Soundwaves were no longer lingering ghosts but bright explosions of life that she could grab with her hands and taste on her tongue. Chords, notes, beats, progressions – no longer entrapped in sound, but liberated and coalesced into colors, lights, air, soil, blood, breeze, touch. Music penetrated every molecule.

Music became all that existed.

On My Mind

Life-driven versus Career-driven. Which one are you?


---
Song of the day: Ain't No Mountain High Enough (Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrel)

It's a duet kind of day.

Confidence & Guts

Been asked to be a panelist, twice, in the past two weeks. 

My initial (silent) reaction was "Why me? What qualifies me? I don't deserve to be a panelist. I don't have enough experience, I don't have...and on and on and on."

I may not have the confidence but I guess what I do have is guts. Cuz I've agreed to both requests. As my friend told me this morning, "Fake it til you make it." Cheers to that.

---

Song of the day: 99 Problems Mashup (The Dap Kings & Jay-Z)
 
Recent discovery but loving it. Great repeat for a lazy Sunday.

In and out

Today has been all about breathing.

Yoga --> 2 hours of flute --> my first dance (jazz) class taught by my most talented friend --> dancing the night away

----
P.S. Endorphins make me happy.

----
Song of the day:

this is the best!

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.

"Guess what I use as my skies. Toenails from a man." hahaha. Creeptastic and deliciously adorable.

Grateful Alive

Ultimately, do what makes you happy. And do it wisely. Whether you get married at twenty five or at fifty five, whether you decide to risk your life and go to Egypt by yourself or decide not to, who is to say what you're doing is right or wrong? Just really listen to yourself. Yes, listen to others to a certain extent, but take what they have to say as choices, not answers. Because really, it's your life. Don't let others tell you what you need to do. Listen to yourself, do what you want to do, and have the guts to own up to it and learn from it if it doesn't turn out the way you want it to.
---

These were the thoughts going on in my head as I was listening to a man, not naming who but apparently really influential and famous, talk on for hours about how we should do this and do that. He had some good pointers, I must admit, but not really things I didn't know already. Thought he was wasting my time, but realized if it was't for him and his never-ending somewhat condescending prose about how much he knows about life, I wouldn't have been challenged tonight to think and stand up for what I really believe. It was surprisingly refreshing.

<3Y

Postscript - Woke up feeling a little down for thinking ill thoughts of this man; the man I previously wrote about the night before (above). He was only trying to pass on his life lessons to us, albeit with a very cocky attitude, and I thank him for that. I must've filtered out all the BS he spit at us as well as his condescending I-am-more-powerful-than-thou demeanor during my sleep, because when I woke up, one thing he said stuck out at me - which was to be grateful. And I realized I am! I am grateful to have met him. I am grateful for a life where I have the freedom to wake up in my own bed and have the time to think about these things.

---
Song of the day: Try a Little Tenderness (Sung by Otis Redding, written by Irving King)
King of Soul. Yes, indeed.

I am a rap sensation

Wrote this while on a long conference call...

Out of the ebb and flow

the world of all we know

there's more life wants to show

as failure turns to medicine

fear becomes adrenaline

I'm so ready to go. grow. make some dough. oh, look at that crow. 

:D Haha. Work is turning me delirious.

Thanks, beer

It even amazes me, oftentimes, how intolerant my body is to alcohol. I was on my 8th or so sip on my apple cider beer/Guinness last night, and I already started to see the signs. My thought process slowed, I became more affectionate, words started slurring, I got super duper sleepy and I wanted to throw up. It was as amusing to me as it was to my friend who was a witness to it all. From what I remember, I believe our bartender and a couple other patrons found it quite entertaining as well.

My friend and I sat at the bar and talked - me, drunkenly; him, not so much. I don't want to advocate drinking or anything, but man, it really does loosen you up. I was able to talk about things that I would usually never speak of - things that are on my mind and heart, things that are bothering me, things that are way bigger than what I can handle. It was an enlightening conversation that allowed me to see a bigger reality. Helped me out in ways my friend probably doesn't even realize.

Not sure if it was the alcohol or if it was my friend, most likely both, but one sure thing is that I woke up this morning feeling much better. Lighter. Happier. 

I should do this more often. Beer + friends.

---
Song of the day: Definition (my husband Mos Def & Talib Kweli)
Summer of '09 was spent listening to this.

Whoa.
TWO songs of the day: Limit to Your Love (Feist cover by James Blake)
Too good to not share.

Giddy

I get to take care of my coworker's dog next weekend while he's out of town. I haven't looked this forward to anything...since NY. Okay, fine, perhaps I'm just an excitable person. But still!!!! Yaayyyy. An entire weekend with a dog!!

Park, beach, cuddle time. Yesss.

<3Y

----
Song of the day: Lover's Spit (Broken Social Scene - sung by Feist)
This is the song I heard live that made me fall in love with BSS. Forever fan.

yoga

late-night yoga is the bomb.

been looking forward to it for the past several days.

---

Song of the day: Girl from Ipanema (Astrud Gilberto)

Classic. I used to have 6 different versions of this song on my itunes (before my laptop went kaplunk!)

Miss you

Miss the parents. It'd be nice to sit down with my brother, my mom and my dad and eat dinner altogether. 

----

Song of the day: Daughters (John Mayer)

As corny and overplayed this song is, I really do enjoy it from time to time. 

TOES FML!

I talk the talk but don't see much walking these days. Regarding materialism that is. Throughout my life, I was always proud to say that you could just drop me off anywhere in the world and I would survive,and I would survive well. Make a million new friends, master that culture's cuisine and language, et cetera et cetera. With just the shirt on my back. And pants on my legs, too. B/c it'd be weird if I was just wearing a shirt.

I look around my apartment and I wonder, what the hell is all this stuff doing in my apartment? Do I really need another cushion? Do I really need another picture frame? What. The. Heck. I know I've always had a tendency to collect. As a child, I used to collect the Sunday comics from the Modesto Bee. I remember discovering a whole box full of them on my last visit to my parent's place. I always keep little reminders of friends - notes that were passed back and forth in classes, doodles, little presents that really have no use. Oh, and it's reallly really really hard for me to get rid of books. It sucks when I move b/c they're the heaviest to carry/transport. 

Compared to a lot of other folks, I know I have very little. Still, I'm appalled by all these things that have become a "need" to me within th past several years. For instance, I have a problem when it comes to reusable bags. Y'know, those totebags that you can get everywhere these days? I counted how many I have this morning. I have 32 of them. Yes, I've gotten them from TJ's, Ikea, work and events. Mostly from events where they're given out for free. Dinners, galas, festivals, conferences. This is after I've taken many home to AZ for my mom to use. Oh geez! 

Must reduce. Thinking of befriending Craigslist for the next couple weeks. First sell my DVDs, CDs, then my books, some electronics. Then perhaps I'll digitize a lot of the documents that I've held onto. All the notes I'd written on paper, I can transfer to my laptop. 

Okay! Here we go, my dear friends. The Operation of Eliminating Stuff From My Life. TOES FML!

<3Y

P.S. Thanks for inspiring me to declutter.

----
Song of the day: Simply Beautiful (Al Green)
This is my go-to song for almost everything. For when I want to groove, fall asleep, wake up, work, play, smile wide, smile with my heart, sing in my head, sing out loud, spend time with loved ones, spend time alone....everything, I tell ya. 

Cooking

Cooking for a party of 80 today. Let's do eeet. Party time.

---
Song of the day: Ce Jeu (Yelle) 

Sharing is caring

Hello lovelies, 

Privatized my writer's workshop page today. For most of this year, I had been using it as a means to extricate my thoughts out of my mind and release them into the world. Kinda like talking to the dark blue sea in the middle of the night. I would've otherwise blow up into a million different pieces. It's definitely gotten me to where I needed to be. 

I've been learning to express myself more to the people around me. And I mean express as in, allow people to see below the warrior/chameleon exterior, beyond the superficial. It's been difficult though-- allowing myself to be more open, more vulnerable, letting the special folks know that I have emotions besides just pure happiness.

Because of that, I've turned to exploding on paper less and less. Not as much pen on paper action these days. Or I guess, to be more exact, fingers on keys action.

But I think I'll be going back to it, that writer's workshop page, once in a while, and share some of what I wrote there, here. B/c I know my brother reads this. I know a couple other people I love do, too. And I'd like to share more of myself, if you don't mind. 

<3Y


----
Song of the weekend: Staralfur (Sigur Ros)

Marinate

You are free to be free.

----
Song of the day: Dreams (The Game)

Over food

I bared (bore?) my soul to my mentor over food today. I told him my dreams, my aspirations, my resolve to attain my goals. He seemed pretty receptive, but who knows. He could've been thinking, "Who does this girl think she is? She should just keep stuffing her mouth and stop talking."

Been thinking of how food plays such a prominent role in not just our general every day lives, but more importantly in our social lives. It's always an opportunity to break bread with someone, get to know a person better, talk business and strategies, catch up with old friends, spend time with family, kindle a romance.

Thank you, food.

---

In other news, life is making me grow up, fast. There's a small part of me that's oh so gut-wrenchingly exhausted of all these things going on in my life and my family's life. But I see the picture. Yeah, I see it, God. Just need to get things done, little by little. Chya! It's business time, baby! BRING IT. And then dance with me.


---
Song of the day: Arizona (Pedro the Lion)

Rain (Flash Fiction)

NY welcomed me with rain. As did LA. Reminded me of the short flash fiction pieces I wrote a while back...

rain

Curious, she closed her umbrella and took off her shoes and socks. As she laid down on the grass, she let out a laugh. She just made a Min sandwhich! Laying between a slice of sky and a slice of earth, she closed her eyes and let the sweet rain bind them all together. “Mmmm.”

—

It wasn’t just the rain that drew her. Rain by itself is beautiful. But rain mixed with the green of the earth? Magical. The moment rain touches grass, the molecules coalesce and dance, releasing a subtle scent of pure, fresh and sweet. It was the smell of growth.

---

Song of the day: Central Park (James Newton Howard) 

Hiatus, Finito!

I first stopped writing on here because I was going to write in other blogs; as a co-blogger, as a guest blogger and also as part of an online writer's workshop. A couple of things happened which led me to putting the co-blogging on hold and the guest blogging on full stop. And lastly, being part of a writer's workshop was, in a sense, just like blogging here. 

So I'm back. Millions of years older. Yet still as sexy as ever. Just kidding about the sexy part.